How to Announce Your Elopement to Your Family as an LGBTQ+ Couple

You and your partner have decided to elope. You’re both excited and have already started talking about all the details and planning, but you’re also asking questions like: How are you going to announce your elopement to your family? Are you going to announce your elopement to your family? Should your family be a part of your elopement?

I’ve seen it go both ways for my clients when they tell their families they are eloping—some families are super supportive and are your biggest cheerleaders, while other families don’t react quite the way you were hoping for.

You might feel scared or dread announcing your elopement to your family, but remember, this is your love to celebrate, and this moment is about you and your partner—you deserve to feel joy and excitement, whether that looks like sharing with your family the news that you’re eloping or not.

As a queer elopement photographer, I recognize how significant this decision is for you and your partner. I’m here to give you my best tips on telling your family that you are eloping, how to include your family in your elopement, and how to choose if you should invite people to your elopement.

Let’s dive in…

queer couple wearing black dresses and black capes holding hands with each other and smiling behind them is a large white mirror

queer couple where one is sitting on a couch and the other is helping them put on black boots

queer couples helping each other get ready for their wedding one is helping fix the black cape on the other’s shoulder

How to Tell Your Family That You Are Eloping

One of the first questions that might have crossed your mind is whether you should tell your family that you are eloping.

This decision is deeply personal and should be about what feels best for both of you.

If you are worried that your family will not support your decision, have negative reactions that you don’t think will change with time, or make you feel guilty, you might not want to tell them. My advice? Trust your intuition and your judgment on this decision. You know what is right for you.

On the other hand, if you know that you want to tell your family but are unsure of how to do so, let’s discuss how you can navigate this moment.

My first piece of advice is to try to schedule a time when you can tell your family face-to-face, whether in person or over the phone. Ideally, this moment would happen with them in person, but I totally understand that’s not always possible.

I would encourage you to have an in-person or over-the-phone conversation so that your family can ask questions and so that you can ensure that there are no miscommunications or misunderstandings.

If anyone tries to tell you that eloping is selfish, know that it absolutely isn’t and that you can respond by telling them why you want to elope. Sometimes, family members just need to hear the reason behind your decision to be more supportive.

Additionally, it’s good to prepare yourself beforehand for various reactions to your announcement. As best as you can, stay patient. Some of your family might just need more time to process it.

Making your announcement with genuine joy, enthusiasm, and confidence will set a positive tone and inspire your family to embrace the news about your elopement more easily.

What to Do if Your Family Is Upset

If you do find yourself in the position where you have to figure out what to say if your family is upset about you eloping, here are a couple of different ways you could go about this -

Acknowledge their feelings. Let your family know that you understand why they might feel upset or hurt about your decision, but again, go back to your why and your intentions. Reiterate to them that this decision is what you and your partner want and feel is right.
Be patient. Allow your family and friends to react in the moment and give them space and time to accept your announcement.
Invite them to be part of your elopement in other ways. If you aren’t planning on inviting them to your ceremony (and if this feels good for you and your partner), consider different ways they can still celebrate this time with you.
Remind yourself that you are not responsible for their reactions. The truth is that you can handle the announcement in the best way possible and still encounter family members who are upset. Remember, your family’s reactions are not something you can control.

queer couple wearing white dresses and flower crowns giving each other a kiss, a black industrial building is behind them

queer couple being playful and laughing with each other they are both wearing white dresses and flower crowns

Should I Tell My Family Before or After I Elope?

So you’ve decided you definitely do want to tell your family about your elopement but now you’re unsure if you want to share this news before or after, and maybe you’re not sure about who you want to tell.

Again, this decision is totally up to you and your partner. There’s no obligation for you to share your elopement plans with your family prior to your ceremony. This decision is yours and your partner’s to make, and who you share it with is completely up to you.

If you are going to tell your family about your elopement plans, I personally would advise that you share this with them well in advance rather than springing it on them at the last minute. This will give your family more time to process the news and also allow you both more time to have intentional conversations about why you’ve made the decision to elope.

If you’re unsure of who to tell, consider who you feel will respond with love, respect, and support of your choice. Above all, always prioritize what feels good for both you and your partner.

queer couple holding hands in front a black and white graffiti wall one is wearing a white dress and the other is wearing a blue dress shirt and black pants both are holding hands with each other and smiling looking at each other

queer couple with their foreheads pressed against each other both and smiling and behind them is a black and white graffit wall

queer couple holding hands and looking at each other smiling and laughing standing in front of a white and black graffiti wall

How to Include Your Family in Your Elopement

This is another important decision to make as you and your partner figure out your vision for your elopement.

But first, you have to decide if you want your family included in your elopement.

Some couples will choose not to invite any family but want to make sure that their families are involved in other ways, while other couples will choose to invite a handful of family members to their ceremony.

If you and your partner want your ceremony to be just for the two of you, know that this is completely valid. Many couples choose to have intimate, private ceremonies.

You can still find so many meaningful ways to share your celebration with your family in other ways, such as:

Having a post-elopement celebration
Sharing your photos and videos with them at a small gathering
Asking them to write letters for you that you read before your ceremony with your partner
Including any family traditions in your ceremony
Incorporating family heirlooms into your ceremony

…and so many more ways to make your family still feel like they are part of your day.

Deciding whether you should invite people to your elopement and who should be present should all come down to the experience you and your partner want to create. This day is all about y’all! You chose to elope to have the perfect wedding for you and your partner.

Remember there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to elope - the best way to elope is to do exactly what you and your partner want by honoring your relationship first.

queer couple wearing white dresses and flower crowns holding hands walking down a sidewalk together

queer couple together both wearing white dresses and flower crowns one is giving their partner a kiss on the forehead and the other is smiling

queer couple wearing white dresses and flower crowns giving each other a kiss while holding each other

Final Thoughts on How to Announce Your Elopement to Your Family as an LGBTQ+ Couple

I hope that you found this guide helpful, that it answered most (if not all) of your questions about how to announce your elopement to your family, and that it prepared you to share this exciting news with them.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you and your partner feel celebrated and supported with your decision.

If you are still looking for a queer elopement photographer, I’d love to chat! You can look at my elopement photography services here or head over here to get in touch and start chatting about your dream wedding day!

And as you plan your elopement and finalize the details be sure to also check out my blogs on Tips for Finding Queer Affirming or LGBT Wedding Vendors and 5 Reasons to Hire a Queer Elopement Photographer.